Roommate guilty of attempted murder...

My roommate Aaron was convicted of attempted murder. When we came back from the weekend, we found to two dead fish in the aquarium. Dewey the algae eater, and one of the goldfish were left half eaten in the bottom of the tank. Aaron seemed to think that Bam-Bam (the fish) was responsible. This put him in a villainously experimental mood. To date, Aaron has put the following in the tank to try and kill all the fish: 2 melatonin pills, 1 Clarinex, 1 caffeine pill, 1 painkiller (Vicodin strength), and some water balancer. To date, none of the fish have died. Congratulations Wal-Mart, you have engineered deadly mutant, chemophile goldfish. Now I know why the bag states that the fish should not be released into the wild.