Shopping Haven

Shopping Haven

The following article is from Kat's Korner of the World, editor Katherine West's humor/satire column.

Are You Addicted to Shopping?

by Katherine West

I walked into the bright lights of the department store. My eyes danced at the sight of thousands of SALE signs. I could feel the rush of adrenaline pumping through my veins. We women get the same high from shopping that men get from watching Sammy Sosa or Manny Ramirez hit a homerun. (I don't mean to sound sexist, because truly I am a huge sports fan. I cried when the Browns lost to Denver in '88. I sat at game 5 of the World Series in '95 as I watched my beloved Tribe kick Atlanta's butt. I cried when Atlanta took the next game, beating us for the World Title.)

This tingly rush feels like a jolt of electricity shooting through your veins. Many women are shopping junkies. That's right! They need their fix just as much as that heroine addict that hangs out in dark alleys. The only difference is that we hang out at shopping malls, Walmart, Kmart, strip malls, or anywhere else that they are having a sale.

Anyhow, back to my illustrious sister-in-law. If I sound a little bitchy and cutting in my writing, it is because I am not a big fan of my dear, beloved (this is sarcasm*g*) sister-in-law who shall remain nameless for everyone's protection. My sister-in-law is one of these high as a kite shoppers, though. She takes vacation days just to go shopping on the shopper's holidays. I can hear you asking- What are the "shopper's holidays"? Well, here is a list:

The Friday after Thanksgiving:

This is the Olympics of shopping for a shopaholic. They even have a strategic game plan. Most of these shoppers make a list of stores to hit. Since many places offer special bonus deals early these brave souls venture out as early as 5 A.M. on this post-holiday morning. These professional shoppers do not return home with their trophies until midnight sometimes!

The Moonlight Madness Sale (These are usually during the 5 days preceding Christmas):

Many stores offer special deals at midnight or even later to get the shoppers in for their 24-hour sales.

The Day After Christmas Sale

This is the ONLY sale I still do go to for savings. You can save 50%-90% off of everything! I get my Christmas wrap, bows, cards, decorations, lights, and much much more on this day!

You can buy toys ahead for birthdays or even Christmas the next year at the same savings!
This is a once a year sale that beats all others. You can save on EVERYTHING.

Unlike most women, I am not an avid shopper. I used to be an addict. I am now proud to say that I have pretty much kicked the habit. My name is Kathi and I am a reformed shopaholic! I found out that there is a ten-step program for shoppers too.

Have kids- less money to spend
Decide to be a stay at home mom. You will even have less money to spend
Buy a Pet- they will mess in the house if you go shopping too much
Bring your mother-in-law shopping with you. I believe they call this aversion therapy
Bring your kids with you- this is a great deterrent too. When you have a three-year-old twisting on the clothes rack and going round and round like it is a merry-go-round, you will find that it is much too embarrassing to be in the mall.
Go to a store that has terrible customer service. If you get into a few shouting matches with the manager, you will be less tempted to go shopping. This is more aversion therapy.
Warning: Only do this if you are desperate:

Try on swimsuits. Looking into one of those mirrors could scare the hell out of Pamela Anderson!

Bring your husband shopping with you. His whining and pouting will make you want to go home as soon as possible.
If #8 does not work, bring your husband to Circuit City or Best Buy. He will spend so much money that you will have none left to go shopping!
Go to a store with a more energetic shopaholic. You will be so tired and so broke that you will swear off shopping forever or at least until the next big SALE!

If none of these methods work, you are a shopaholic and you should seek help immediately!

The Friday after Thanksgiving:

This is the opening ceremony of the Christmas shopping season- the Olympics- for a true shopaholic. They even have a strategic game plan. Most of these shoppers make a list of stores to hit. Since many places offer special bonus deals early these brave souls venture out as early as 5 A.M. on this post-holiday morning. These professional shoppers do not return home with their trophies until midnight sometimes!

The Moonlight Madness Sale (These are usually during the 5 days preceding Christmas):

Many stores offer special deals at midnight or even later to get the shoppers in for their 24-hour sales.

The Day After Christmas Sale

This is the ONLY sale I still do go to for savings. You can save 50%-90% off of everything! I get my Christmas wrap, bows, cards, decorations, lights, and much more on this day!