Until I began my training, I had never had a desire to participate in any form of martial art. Nor had I ever competed in any type of physical sport. I went into the class with the attitude that I was going to learn, I soon found out I as much, if not more than I put into it. What’s more is the fact I found out I actually enjoyed it.

I moved quickly up through my belt ranking while practicing my sparring techniques and fine-tuning my personal favorite activity of katas. When I became a green belt (fourth belt in my style) my husband and I started to compete in tournaments around the state of Texas and we were proud of how well we were able to do. I continued my training and received my first degree black belt in 1991.

By this time I had lost the excess weight and felt better than I had in years. Then all hell broke loose when my abusive childhood came back to bite me in the rear.

As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse I began having trouble with receiving the notice I was encountering from men due to my new size. Tournaments became a nightmare because every person judging me in any division was always a man. Not once did I ever have a female judge.

Although I didn’t give up my martial arts training, I did stop competing for quite some time. As the repressed anger, fear and memories started bubbling to the surface; my husband and I decided to turn our martial arts in a new direction, teaching self-defense and rape prevention to women and children. In doing so I have been able to turn a living nightmare into something good.

Child sexual abuse thrives on secrecy, fear and intimidation. I remember during one of my cousin’s rapes how he had laughed at me and told me no one cared. I had told him that my mother knew what he was doing and he was quite correct in saying she obviously wasn’t going to do anything about it. Any adult had power over me because my mother never would stand up for my brother and me. Telling, crying and hiding did absolutely no good nor did she pay attention to any of the other ways I tried to explain the nightmare that was my life.

As a child, I remember so many instances where my mother would insist on making me give certain family members hugs or kisses. At the time I would cry and almost have hysterics while she would almost drag me over to the aunt or uncle involved. Two of these were known to have had "sexual relations" with their daughters while the thought of the aunt and one other uncle still makes my skin crawl. Thanks to my mother though, I had no choice about my contact with them.

I know parents around the world will cringe at the idea of teaching them such a thing but it is an important part of their own self-defense training that children are taught how to say no. They shouldn’t be forced to accept or give hugs or have any other unwanted physical contact. This teaches them that they must agree or say yes and gives potential abusers a greater advantage over the child.

Besides giving a child the right to say no, the following are a few safety measures parents may want to cover with their children:

Secret code – All children should be taught a secret code that only you two know. In the case you actually need to have someone pick your child up, give them the code word/phrase too. Teach your child to always ask for this code before going with anyone. Any stranger hanging around a school- yard can find out a child’s name just by sitting and listening to the children play. They can then go up and calmly say, "Vicki? Hi, your mom sent me to pick you up. She has been held up and wanted you to come with me." So many times a child will fall for this. Once you believe your child has learned this, test them. Ask a friend or co-worker whom the child doesn’t know to try to get your child to go with them. If your child obeys the rule, make sure you reward and praise her.

Uniforms- Many times a uniform will get a child to do what they are told. Teach your child to be wary of a person in uniform that tells them to come along. If this is truly a police officer, they will need to have gone through the principle to get to your child. They will not mind going and verifying their presence with a school official. If possible, try to test your child on this one as well.

Lost Dogs- One of the most common ploys for children is the "I have lost my dog, have you seen it?" These people will often have a photo to show. Your child must move closer to see this and once within arm’s reach, they are in serious danger. Teach your child to stay away from strangers and to reply, "No, let me go ask my mom." If the dog owner is legitimate, they will not mind waiting. Parents need to be wary of this ploy too. It has proven to be extremely effective against women so keep your own distance from these people if they do wait around to talk to you.

Cars-Teach your child to stay at least six feet away from a car when a stranger stops to ask them a question. It is best to just have them reply to any query with, "I don’t know, let me ask my mom/dad." Once a child gets within arms reach of a person in a car, they can be in mortal danger. Pulling a child through a window doesn’t take much effort. Children could also find someone suddenly opening the sliding door of a van and being yanked inside. Sliding doors are also a danger to adults so be careful.

Abductors-Teach your child to become vocal if a stranger does take them. Have them practice something other than just a simple "no." So many times a child will be crying or resisting an adult and observers just think it is a power struggle between the child and a parent. Have them say things like, "Help, this is not my mother/father. Let me go, you are a pervert. YOU ARE NOT MY MOTHER/FATHER!" Have them learn to put force within the words and to repeat them.

Lost- Have your child know what to do if he/she becomes lost in a public place. If in a store or mall, they should go to a person at a register and ask them for help. The employee can have an intercom page put out. This will also work at theme parks. Most of these types of locations have a place for lost family members to go. The employee will usually take the children themselves, or call security.

Small children- Keep them in touch at all time. This requires self-discipline and training on the part of the parent. An excellent way of doing this is to have your child on a leash. Most department and toy stores will have leashes and harnesses for children. If you are having difficulty finding one, get a large dog size nylon collar. Fit this around the child’s waist like a belt. Attach a 3-6’ leash on it, hook it around your own wrist and then start your shopping. This allows you to turn and look at products but still have a solid hold upon your child. This method is also great when you are walking somewhere whit your child. So often, a child will yank out of a parent’s grip and suddenly disappear. The leash gives a freedom of movement to the child and a firm control to the parent.