"Ask us ANYTHING!!"


Our next stop is the one who writes down everything that is happening giving you the play by play, the 411, the "info".  Some of the crew call him spooky but he doesn't look all that spooky too me...just as long as he doesn't have a machete on him at the time heh.  Along with guy who burns the problems we have this guy just go and scare them till they either have heart attacks or give us the truth we demand.

Tuesday, January 06, 2004
So....here we are, standing on the thresh-hold of the future....

The future looks, pretty crappy. My car was smashed, and no one, including my insurance, wants to pay for it as of yet.
Hit and run, so much fun, cha-cha-cha!

My window was smashed in by Kristal's BF. No one, including my landlord, or her BF, wants to pay for it as of yet.
Hit and run, so much fun, cha-cha-cha!

So I finished up this Über large network proposal for a client. Windows smashed my partition table, and then gave me the BSOD when I tried Recovery Console. Of course, I had to format the machine, including the proposal.
Hit and run, so much fun, cha-cha-cha!

Sometimes, I feel like a greasy rat, caught in a sinking ship. I look over and see the flashing lights on my phone, and I just want to leave my cubicle and go home crying. I can't take this crap anymore. There is a camera RIGHT THERE looking at my cubicle. It's creepy, and I can feel the boss watching me, not knowing what he is thinking/doing with that image, that constant stream of my rat in the wheel likeness. I can't take it anymore, going to crack, and melt all over the floor. Somebody shoot me in the head, with a big silver bullet. PLEASE....
Tuesday, December 02, 2003
Sp00k's latest widom: "You cannot have total control over your life. If you wish to hold on to the good things, you must adapt with them."

Thursday, November 27, 2003
Sometimes when you look around at the good things in your life, the duality of man hits you. Not only the balance emerging in my heart, but of life itself. At the birth of new times, I can't help but notice the true death of old.

I was re-arranging my room today, to make room for my new phone...yes I moved a room for a phone. I came across an old CD I had burned a while ago. Some of the music I heard tonight was from the darkest time in my life...it breathed new life into some old ghost, hearkening the end of an era for me. With the haunting and beautiful music came a wave of forgotten emotion. It just sank into me, like a giant pocket of cold air. It's so wierd the way misery settles into your soul. I do mean misery. That time of my life was filled with death. The death of a friend's child, the death of the best times between Kristal and I, and finally, the rebirth and death of my childhood itself. Two weeks in particular were devoted to this. I literally didn't leave my apt. in 2 weeks. I had so much going on inside, so much to sort through. So many repressed memories came pouring out...so many tears, so much blood, and so much hate.

I remember when I stood on the brink...I remember when I fell...

I remember when I drowned in it, the insanity of it all changing me, my own personal metamorphosis. The world died that day, for just a few hours. Winter reminds me of this time, but winter is too quiet. Falling snow can be beautiful...but looking back, my mind was an ugly, twisted, and scary place that night, and the falling thoughts were sick, like oil falling from the sky...

I can remember the life I felt leaving me in the slippery cut of the razor, and the seemingly endless swirls created at the mixing of tears and blood. They stand out in my mind like sentinals of old, forboding, and somehow, comforting.... I can remember the scar I had, from carving Love in my arm...it was turning purple, a trick usually reserved for the cold. Love stood out in me, foretelling of death to come. To this day, I do not forget the metaphors of that scar.

Alot was broken in those two weeks, and alot was destroyed. I was attacked by a dark force...but I did not scream. I was a little freaked out, but inside, I knew what it had come for, or maybe, where it had come from. I had alot to let go of.

I guess there really is no moral of this story. I just have to express myself...it keeps me going. Don't ever forget your past...no matter how much you dislike it. It can sit in you, and fester...rotting you through to the heart. Don't let it ever go that far. I'm pretty sure, that it was luck, or something out of my power that helped me past it, and come back to the world alive.

Wednesday, November 26, 2003
~~~~~~~Today, I guess I start anew.~~~~~~~

After all, It's been too -=l=o=n=g=-.

Where does all the time go?

I guess sometimes, we lose our way.

Many times...our lives change drastically...and being caught up in the changes, I think we fail to notice it. Even if the day to day is the same. I believe I have not noticed enough of the details lately.

The WHOLE story is told through the details!

Where does each story end? Where does it begin? Which ones are part of the "grander-scheme-of-things"? All of these important facts, and many others, are usually told through the details. I believe it helps you break down what's going on around you...lets you see things in a finer lens, while keeping track of the greater truth.

I can't help it sometimes. I have to know what is connected where, and why? What are our motivations, as we act as human beings? I find myself fitting things together like this...connections I would have never made otherwise. I can't help it. Sometimes, I lose a lot of sleep letting my brain do this. It helps me build, it helps me see, and for it, I know who I am, and who you are to me. Read into that what you will, because it has a different meaning for each of you.
Sometimes it helps me get into your head. Sometimes you do.

I have just noticed how much I have changed, and how much of my life has stagnated. There's an odd mixture, and a lot I haven't even begun to think about. The gears are turning again, and an old machine is at work. I hope it is revealed to have a better engine this time.

I never imagined myself not smoking. Even before I smoked, I never gave much thought to it. I may have been too young. When I did smoke, I didn't, until this year, honestly consider giving it up. I remember when I started. It was winter, I was 16 years old. I was such an ass then. My sister described that time of my life as such: "You didn't care what anyone said, you did what you wanted!" I would say I did what I was capable of, and had the will to...but you get the idea. My step-father came outside for some random reason, and asked if I was taking a smoke break. I told him yes, and he about shit a lobster. Since then, what I consider my true smoking time (I had tried it when I was fourteen or so, but quickly let it go) consisted of me inhaling about a pack a day of money and nicotine, with various other additives. It has been truly wasteful. What do I have to show for it but thousands of dollars lost, and poor sinuses? I did enjoy it though. I really liked my Camels, especially the Turkish Royals. But now, I have quit. I guess it's good. It definitely has some great benefits, some obvious, others not so much. Either way it's done. It doesn't make me feel like a different person...but I am. Not for that reason, but for many small things, that have snowballed out of my control. Many things have occurred, with and without my participation, right under my nose. I am pretty satisfied with the changes, as usual. But the stagnation in my life, mainly with my job, is driving me nuts. I almost want to cry when I think about how long I'm stuck there...I hate the capitalist with a passion, but my birth into this country put me into contract of wage-slavery, and so, there isn't much that can be immediately done. Want to know the best way to beat a capitalist at his own game? Move like a trickle of water, and slowly gnaw away at the foundations of his slavery. Eventually his house will come crashing down, and you will be free, at least, for a moment. I guess freedom is relative...but I still think, I know, I breathe, that it is worth dying for. I would rather die a free man, than live a slave. Sometimes that's just not practical. But if it comes down to it, for the ultimate choice between death and no amount of freedom, death I will invoke. What a sweet decision it will be.

I just don't know where I am going. There is too much to consider, it has all gotten away from my usually watchful eye.

After all, It's been too -=l=o=n=g=-.

Where does all the time go?

Monday, September 29, 2003
While researching a "phrase" for a colleague, on a german-english translation site, I came up with some interesting results.
The phrase was: "You are on drugs."
Pretty simple.
But this site gives search results based on close matches.
One of the closest matches is "On what terms are you ready to supply?"
To this I say: WTF?
Is this an online drug dealers translater?
Here are some more matches:

-Are you being attended to?
-table on which presents are laid out
-Prices are on the decrease.
-the goods are placed on board
-How did you hit on that?
-our representative will call on you
-when you are in short supply
-Are you able to meet our requirements?
-as to the goods you are interested in
-Can I still take you up on your offer ...
-If you are interested in our products ...
-on condition that you allow us a deduction
-Please state what quantities you have on hand.
-You must not dump goods on our market.

Keep in mind....this is close matches to "you are on drugs" or related phrases.
Interesting stuff.
Tuesday, September 23, 2003
Time to clears some things up...
I am not having a "fling" with Mel as some of you have inquired and probably others have thought.
Mentioning a name in a blog does not constitute extra-marital relations with the owner of that name.
Joseph Stalin was not a communist. I don't care what he said, he wasn't.
Third, and Final,
The AS400, although they say otherwise, has not had any REAL improvements since its introduction in the.....80s?
Thursday, September 18, 2003
So mel wants me to write...
I don't have anything to write about, so I haven't.
I'm sick...?
I...still do the same things in my life.
There haven't been any romantic developements in my life...
Today is my friday. That is good.
I don't think girls like me.
I mean, there are some older women who are quite freindly, but even given a chance (which is HIGHLY unlikely),
I don't think I anything would come of it but a cheap fling and then awkward feelings.
I walk my cat on a leash now, but not as often as when I started. He enjoys the time outside enough that he doesn't mind the leash too much. But he does bug me in the middle of the night to go out. Brat!

So, Kristal is having her new screw buddie come up to live with...blah...
whatever...my new karmatic doctrine says I HAVE to be nice to him. So I'm just going to avoid the chance that I'd EVER run into him. Anyways, Kristal invited me to eat dinner with her tomarrow night, and she called it the last supper. Well, shouldv'e known it was coming, but I guess it's ok. It does however end the only presence of a female in my life, regardless of romantic involvement. Now, there are just the women I work with, which, no offense, just doesn't pan out to any social involvement. And I do like talking to females...
I just don't like thier
nutjob head-fuqs.
Oh well.
Hey Mel, I slept this weekend! Whoa! Not really, just wanted to mess with ya!

If it weren't for my horse, I would've never made it through that last year of medical school...
Wednesday, August 13, 2003
I won $28 on lottery tickets! And with 3 of those $28 I bought a large chocolate malt. Damn those are good...one of the few American food creations I can call delicacy.
There are a lot of people wearing their stupid hats lately….suffocating their brains, making it sooooo hard to think.
It’s a beautiful world, full of ugly minded people, so many with truly grey grey-matter.
Maybe it shades to white, but mostly it’s just bland, boring, dull old grey…and fittingly, as many can’t even distinguish between any real colors.
But enough of being on the high horse….that’s just not my style.
I called that girl last night; turns out she doesn’t feel like talking to me. Maybe I was used. That’s kind of flattering…but still not very nice.
Picture this:
It’s about 2 AM, and you see flickers of orange light in your bedroom window. You look out to see massive billows of smoke, and a fiery glow behind them. You go outside, out the front, and look over to your neighbor’s house, totally in flames. Then you realize you're wearing an orange jumpsuit.
OK…you can stop visualizing for now.

Make XP beautiful.

Those of you who want the software
to make this possible, email me.

It's time for a vacation. I got invited to go to Niagra Falls with my sis and her boyfriend and her other friend, the massuese. That sounds interesting, especially since I would be forced to share a room with that girl, but damn, I used my vacation days to go to NYC for 5 days. I know no one's going to want to work on sunday for me either. OH WELL... I don't like canada that well anyways.(Notice I didn't capitalize the name of the place.) Plus, Niagra has been commercialized too much to seem natural anymore. If I'm gonna go see something naturally beautiful, I want it to still be naturally beautiful. I'd rather go somewhere in the appalachians, or to the beach maybe.

I'm getting like the biggest kick out of Arnold running for governor of California. Scary part is, polls show 42% of people there support him, which means, he would win. Supposedly though, he's a very driven politician. I could see that.

Speaking of needing a vacation, someone told me last night if I'm not careful I'll end up like hatch. Man, I'm crazy, but damn, I can at least keep it under control. Hatch is lost. That's kinda scary though. I DON'T WANT TO DEGRADE IN STABILITY THAT FAR!!
Monday, August 11, 2003
Again, I must apologize. I know I've been a total chode about blogging, but, I don't know, my mind has been occupied.
However, today was a good day! Work was going at a very relaxed pace for a change. I think the ex has realised what a mess she got herself into...
Speaking of the ex, I don't think that password can be cracked. I mean, it was the ultimate password, and that was a huge video. Sorry peoples...
But I guess it is for the better. I'm not that much an ass anyways. After all, I think she will get her dues regardless, and I can't really be TOO upset at her for leaving me, when I predicted she would years ago.That would be like smashing a rose for having thorns. So, once again, sorry to those who emailed me for a copy...it's just not going to happen. Don't worry though, I won't ever get to see it again either.

You know....orange juice is delicious...
So I'm getting the urge to go walking in the woods more...I really enjoyed it last time I did. It just sucks that there are no real woods in the tiny burgh of massillon. You see alot of things in the woods, that you just don't realise how truly beautiful they are. It's like little flowers blooming in your mind when you see them...and for a moment, nothing in the world is wrong. I think that's what I like so much about nature. However, I am at the same time a very urban person. Ahh the duality of man. Just a bunch of conflicting thoughts running around in my head, like two enemy tribes, trying to avoid each other, but fighting fiercely when they do eventually meet. And then there's my brain, who (yes my brain is a person of his own) steps in every once in a while and performs a magic trick which just throws them both into a standstill.
My cat is an asshole.
And that......is that....

for tonight.
Thursday, August 07, 2003
Its thursday already....
This week has gone past fast. Been takin my sleeping pills, so...I've been sleeping well.
GOT PAID TODAY!! YEAH! I can buy food now! Yeah!!!
So Storm is like pimpin, but not....
I'm envious. I miss hangin out with a chick...they're nice to just kick back with. But they don't like me....they are ANTI-JOSH...
I don't get it either...I don't even really do anything to push them or nothing...
Oh well...I was always told I'll meet the right girl by chance, and I thought that was kristal, but it seems life has proven me wrong.

"The man in the white coat has returned to put me back in the womb!"

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