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The Honorable Woodchuck

Background:  This one came from a very inquisitive surfer.

"How much wood could a wood chuck, chuck?"

This question has been asked a million times by a million children who
could not identify a woodchuck if it were to be chucking their leg into
pieces. Now my question is as follows.
How do you answer this question? Or better yet, in what form (or scale)
would you like the answer to be presented? Are they asking for the volume of
wood that would be generated by a wood chucks chucking? Measured in what?
Weight? Volume? Biomass? Or in the scale of the timber industry "linear
board feet"? And if a woodchuck should chuck a standing tree, and that tree
should fall, would the woodchuck be credited for the entire tree, or the
amount of wood removed from the base in order to fall the tree?
All of these options must be considered and agreed upon before the
question can possibly be answered in any reasonable manner. After all, since
a wood chuck does not chuck wood, (or so goes the twister) it is important
to know if they chuck zero pounds of shavings, or zero linear board feet of
lumber, or zero bushels of wood pulp.

.... huh

Info:  First of all wood is measured by cord(s), that amount of wood in a cord is 4 feet by 4 feet by 8 feet. Here is what a cord contains:  30 Boston rockers or 460,000 personal checks or 61,370 No. 10 envelopes or 1,200 copies of National Geographic magazine or 12 dining room tables that each seat eight people or
89,870 sheets of letterhead bond paper or 942 one-pound books or 1,000 to 2,000 pounds of paper (depending on the process used) or 7,500,000 toothpicks or 4,384,000 commemorative-size postage stamps or the amount of heat equivalent to what is produced by a ton of coal or 200 gallons of fuel oil. There is no other "Legal" way to sell wood other than this way, so it would best to tell the child in these terms.  If a woodchuck could chuck wood then he would have to sell or chuck it a cord at a time.

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